Tuesday, July 9, 2013

I Lift My Eyes

While it's been a rough go of it these past few weeks, the Lord has helped me endure taking one of my medications every other day instead of every day.  At this point I'm not sure if my emotions have been heightened by this, or if they have been heightened by a long-standing issue of feeling rejected by someone close.  This weekend we hope to resolve that by revealing our emotions to see if they are justified or if we've misinterpreted the situation.  I don't want to go into details to keep you from being bored, and to save the relationship.  May the Lord be with us as we have the conversation.
With that out of the way, it's always a toss up to try to figure out why my pain level has increased, and what to do about it.  There are so many options, and so little clarity.  Since the goal is to get off of prescription medications, taking more of them to reduce pain would be counter-productive. 
This is where a LOT of prayer comes in.  Yes, I know that sometimes the Lord chooses not to heal people no matter how much they pray, I do know that praying helps emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  My post on facebook this morning was an unspoken prayer request.  How very thankful I am that many of my friends lifted that to the Lord for me.  It's truly an honor when someone can pray with/for me, and truly humbling when they pray for me without even knowing the specifics.  My gratefulness for this can never be expressed in mere words.
As for me, with everything going on in our lives right now, I spent a good part of the day crying tears of confusion, hurt, sadness, frustration, and disappointment.  Through those tears I also cried out loud.  I began with recognizing and confessing my own sins, asking for forgiveness, and once again asking for His grace.  These are things I know without a doubt God is delighted to hear and extend.  Then I continued by explaining the situation, asking the Lord for clarity, healing, joy, peace and understanding (to name a few).  [Yes - I know God already knows the situation, but I also know that He wants to hear me explain it myself, so I own it and acknowledge it.  All a part of the healing process.]  Anyone who may have walked by the house and heard me probably thought I was losing my mind.  (Those of you who already know me know that's impossible because I lost my mind years ago!)
As the first line goes: "I lift my eyes to the mountains".  I lifted my eyes to the mountains set before me, not wondering, but KNOWING where my help comes from.  It most certainly comes from the Lord.  How blessed a reassurance that is.  So, onward toward those mountains I go, with God by my side, in front of me, and behind me.
By the way, I did stop crying.  Just so you know.  (Insert a wink and a smile here.)

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