My darling husband and I were talking earlier today, and he asked how I was doing. As I gave him the run-down of how miserable I really felt, he hugged me and said, "I'm sorry. If I could take the pain away for you I would." I replied, "Thank you hun. I know you would. But you can't, so...stinks to be me."
Then he chose to enlighten me on how awful it must be to be me, with an adoring husband, healthy children, all my needs met, etc. Of course I had to let him know that I am deeply grateful for all of that, so it really doesn't stink to be me. It just stinks to feel the way I feel today. My lower back is killing me, for no reason I can think of. My muscles hurt no matter what's going on. My joints ache. My stomach is queasy when I eat. I'm tired, but can't get a decent nap. I'm a little grumpy off and on. My allergies have me sniffling and blowing my nose. I have a dull headache constantly. I have "power surges" (others label them 'hot flashes') that come and go throughout the day, leaving me drenched in sweat. It hurts just to exist.
Now whether this is my body in detox from the prescription meds or just being my contrary body, I don't know. All I know is that it stinks to live in my body right now. When I go for my yearly checkup, it will be interesting to see the doctor's reaction to my own desire to eliminate all prescriptions, and to see if he'll be on board with my decision. This process is like taking that proverbial one step forward - three steps back.
Amidst all of this, I can't help but to think of the 'affliction' that Paul had to endure his entire life. Not to mention the beatings, starvation, imprisonment, and torture he endured in the name of Christ. In 2 Corinthians Chapter 4, Paul wrote words that reflected his train of thought, and set focus on God's glory each day, regardless of what our flesh experiences. It's these words that I look at on days like today.
2 Corinthians 4
"16 Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 17 For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, 18 while we look
not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen;
for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are
not seen are eternal." (NASB)
I have no idea how my affliction will benefit the kingdom of God, but I know in His way, in His time, and according to His purpose, God's glory will shine as I continue to suffer. So my train of thought must be like that of those saints in the Bible who've suffered and gone before me, leaving their written testimony as an example for me. There are several other scriptures that refer to gaining strength, reassurance, comfort, grace, mercy, love, endurance, and much more from our Lord. For these I'm thankful.
God is at work in my life. Not just on this fleshly body I'm in conflict with, but most importantly on my eternal soul, which is so much more important. When I go to sleep tonight I can find my own comfort in knowing that while I am at rest, trying to give my body the chance to recover, the Lord is still awake, at my defense, and still working on me.
Psalm 121:4 "Indeed, the Protector of Israel does not slumber or sleep." (HSCB)
Thank You Lord for always working in my life. Thank you for the many, many, many blessings You've gifted me. Thank You for the wonderful husband You've blessed me with.
So...stinks to be me? No. As long as I have You, blessed to be me.